A recent news item titled, “Dad’s Touching Note To Gay Son Nate Worried About Coming Out Goes Viral,” was all over the press last week. Reportedly first released on a site called FCKH8 (ironic how hateful that sounds), it detailed a dad writing this note to his son, “Nate, I overheard your phone conversation with Mike last night about your plans to come out to me. The only thing I need you to plan is bring home OJ and bread after class. We are out, like you now. I’ve known you were gay since you were six—I’ve loved you since you were born -Dad PS: Your mom and I think you and Mike make a cute couple.”
Loving your children is a must. Being an enabler and co-dependent encouraging one’s child in gay sexual practice is not. Love does not necessitate enablement, and enablement is neither benign nor compassionate, but naïve.
Per the Gay Lesbian Medical Association web site, those practicing gay sex have
higher rates of HIV/AIDS, substance abuse, depression/anxiety, hepatitis, STDs, cancers, alcohol abuse, tobacco use, eating disorders, and (in subsets) obesity. Men who have sex with men (MSM) lose 25 to 40% of their lifespan. For a fuller detailing of the negative health consequences of same-sex sexual behavior see my report.
One might ask how the father knew his son was gay at six. Judging from appearances, perhaps. But all kids are same-sex preferring at that age — the opposite sex is all cooties and yuck. Regarding adolescents the 1994 National Health and Social Life survey completed by the U. of Chicago, the biggest and best study available, found that eight percent of 16-year-olds thought they were gay; by age 18 only four percent did; and by age 25, only 2.8 percent still thought so – two-thirds changed their minds from 16 to 25 years of age. Perhaps parents should be encouraged not to label their children too soon, and children should avoid the same rush to judgment about themselves. That is love, too.
You are right to love your children, period. But what about rejection and the harm it causes? In a 2010 interview about one such study, I offered this observation, “A parent can fully love and accept their [LGBT] teen, give them a safe home where they know that they as a person are accepted, and still have it be known that their parents feel that acting out on that sexual orientation will be an inherently negative thing . . .” Furthermore, there is a certain emotional blackmail in telling parents that failing to bow to GLBT ideology results in children who are depression, drug addled, or suicidal, and a deficit of good faith in failing to inform parents and children that those engaging in the GLBT lifestyle are already shown to have higher rates of those problems (see footnote 2).
Yes, love you children regardless. And know that sexual orientation is not inborn nor is it immutable. People can and do change. My article on the evidence for both claims is cited here.
Back to FCKH8. We’ve seen for years that any failure to accept, celebrate, and advocate GLBT social-political mandates is met with reflexive and harsh accusations of ignorance, hate, bigotry, and phobia – all of which starts to sound like projection from the accusers. Disagreement is neither hatred nor the rest. There is such a thing as compassionate confrontation – loving children without calling wrong right or harm good.
Love your children unconditionally. But think twice before licensing and encouraging sexual behaviors with predictably harmful consequences. Love your children, but be aware that regarding sexual orientation, change is possible.
Andre Van Mol, MD
 Satinover, J. “Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth.” Baker, 1998. Pp. 51, 68-69.
 Goodenough, Patrick, “Homosexuals are Excluding themselves from Marriage, Family,” Crosswalk.com, August 2004.
 Satinover, Jeffrey, MD, “Dr. Jeffrey Satinover, M.D. Testifies in Mass. in Defense of the Family,” www.Satinover.com, 4/29/20004.